Grief

People talk about grief for love so often. How it breaks our heart. It is hard to let go of someone who used to be our whole world. How do we deal with the emptiness after they disappear? 

But

How about grief for friendship? How it never hit so hard, and sometimes we didn’t see it coming. We took all moments for granted until we realised that they are not here anymore.

No more quick response text to talk about random stuff.

No more midnight call.

No more random ice cream dates to cheer each other up. 

No more meeting plans.

No more inside jokes that got you teary and stomach pain.

Friendship never really has a breakup moment. All we do is slowly drift apart from each other’s lives. Then the next time we meet, we will already sit at different tables. Stealing glances towards each other. Hoping that anyone, but us, would muster up the courage to say hello.

Sometimes we do. 

Sometimes we don’t.

Sometimes we just pretend not to see each other. 

Sometimes, the grief lasts longer than a breakup. It doesn’t make us cry immediately, but it hurts when we see them laughing with someone else. It’s painful to know that they have a life we don’t know about. 

It makes me realise what we have lost. And for what?

I never know how to fix things when it comes to relationships between humans. I thought I could be an ignorant Wonder Woman even though I have a heart as tiny as a chicken's heart. 

However,

As much as I know how things have turned, I want to selfishly ask if you could turn your back and see me one more time? Can we laugh again over the most stupid jokes? Can we talk again about some random dudes on the internet, foods, politics, feelings, books, animals, or whatever we could think about? 

And maybe, just maybe.. later.. much later, we can talk about us?

22.04.25