If Anything...

If you ever wondered whether I've forgotten about you or not, nope.. I won’t forget.

How come? I’ve known you, us, for so many years. Being a friend and lover, we almost had our future figured out together.

But almost is never enough, right?

The fact is, almost together, means that we are not together.

Almost make it, means that we didn’t make it. 

Almost achieving it means that we didn't get what we wished for.

However, that 'almost' served us with so many lessons. 

About how the universe works. 

Eventually, if it’s not meant to be, it won't work.

No matter how hard we tried.

No matter how hard we prayed.

No matter how hard we forced it. 

So, we took the necessary distance to evaluate

Then we started to wonder if the things between us are worth fighting for?

It took us a long time to reach a conclusion

The ultimate answer I have been looking for since day one, I decided to lend my heart to you. 

I collected and took it back - my heart.

It was never yours to begin with.

It was never yours to keep because you never know how to take care of it. 

It was a little bit damaged, but it works perfectly.

It is still capable of feeling love, sadness, happiness, excitement, and every possible feeling I deserve to have.

You felt the guilt.

Seeing all those hidden scars, you left.

Maybe it was intentional. 

Or unintentional. 

At the end, it didn't matter.

It's a fact that you didn’t protect it as you promised

I was angry. 

I was sad. 

Then finally, I let go. 

So, here’s the thing:

After quite some time, I could finally say to you ‘I forgive you’

I forgive how things turn out on your side

I forgive you for all the delayed and unrealized promises

I forgive you for all your 'sorrys' just to keep me on your side

I forgive myself for carelessly trusting you over and over again

Eventually, you become the villain in my story.

However, even a villain might have their own reason, right?

Sometimes it wasn’t even because of evil thoughts

Most of the time, it was because of the cowardice that you were too afraid to challenge

We shared lots of memories.

Some were amazing, some were painful, and some were a mixture of happiness and sorrow. 

Looking back, I guess we gave our best fight while we could.

Until we realized that the more we try to hold on, the more we hurt each other. 

So, I forgive you.

And I forgive myself too. 

If anything,

I hope you find the peace you were looking for like I found mine.

I hope you can feel happiness like I feel now.

I hope you know, I didn’t blame you for anything because I realize that you were just a passerby who taught me a lesson. 

I think I finally understand how the universe works.

Every step and decision we have made has led us exactly to where I belong.

Things happened in the way I used to pray for.

Though with all the detours and unexpected turns. 

And I’m glad I took that path. 

So if anything,

Know that you will always be a part of my younger days. Beautiful memories that cannot be erased.

I don’t hold any grudges nor blame you for anything, anymore.

I let you go. 

And I wish you finally have the courage to grab the opportunity to be happy in this life. 

07.07.25

-I forgive you-