A boy who gave up

Once in a while, you would see someone confessing about their feelings towards you. He was freaking nice, spoke to you politely, tried to fulfill any wish that you have, listened to any story you shared with him, you might think that you both fit perfectly for each other. Maybe as a friend.

Then one day, you had that certain feeling, and you realized there was something more behind it. The kind of gaze he tried to conceal under his stupid remarks. He said he sees you only as a friend, then started to pay more attention to you. How he gave you unusual touches each time you were together.

But you know, it wouldn't happen between you two.

You explained in a nonchalant way that you found someone else. You thought he would understand. You thought it was just a shallow feeling for a brief moment you were together. The next thing you know, he confessed his feelings.

Then you hurt him intentionally by your rejection.

Damage cannot be undone.

Though in the beginning, he said he would keep on trying. He said, God could easily change our mind. Maybe not now, maybe later. We never know. He prayed harder, asking God to show him the best way for him and for you. Maybe he thought he could be the best one for you. He could protect you. He liked to see those brief moments with you. He wanted to get to know you more and more.

Then you said, “Please don’t put my name on your prayer.”

You started to put boundaries. You stopped sharing stories, secrets, feelings, and even a ride in a car with him feels like a long journey that never ends. You reply shortly to his messages, telling him not to send you any of your favorite food because it feels like a burden.

He thought you were important at that time. He wanted to keep you. But all you wanted was to escape from him.

Then, slowly, you both drifted apart.

He took on new activities. Focusing on his goals. Taking a master's degree that he had avoided all his life. Work more hours. Unfollowed you on social media. Visit your cafe less frequently.

Stop talking to you.

Eventually gave up on you.

It was for the best, you said. You were sad, but you were glad. You knew, at one point or another, that you were not good at keeping a friendship, let alone with some feelings lingering on it. You didn't want to be tied to anyone. Your life was still a mess, and you were not ready to open your heart to anyone. 

The boy finally gave up, but you know he would be just fine. He would find his own light, and you believe, one way or another, you would greet each other in the future. Better self, better encounter. 

Thank you for giving up on me and giving yourself the chance to love yourself first.

04.10.2024

- Never imagine, after all that distance, I would meet him in a very different situation.

Shit happens. So does miracle.-