If The World is Ending

 The sound of my tiny brush cleaning my teeth became the background sound of my empty mind. It wasn’t actually empty, I just watched some news on YouTube. One country attacked another country, leaving a toll of hundreds of deaths. Lots of people migrate to safer zones. 

“Crazy..” You came and muttered beside me after you listened to a leader's speech, saying that they wanted to go to a full scale of war. 

I passed your brush and paste, you took it, then started to clean your own teeth. We stared at each other through the mirror, and I could see your eyes smiling. We looked at each other for as long as two minutes.  I leaned down and rinsed my mouth, you cannot help but slap my butt cheek.

“Bitch!” I squint my eyes, pretending not to like it. You smirk, white foam all over your mouth. 

“Do you think the war will affect us soon?” I asked while you gargled and finished your rituals. You shrugged. I squeezed your butt cheek as revenge when you leaned. You grinned, pulled my face closer, and gave me a peck with your wet lips. Smells like mint. Fresh. So ready to kiss before we go to bed. 

“I have no idea, but I’m preparing myself for it. You will come with me.” You answered.

“Where?” I frowned. 

“My country.” 

“I’ll take you to my parents’ house, and we’re gonna stay there until the situation is under control.” I laughed, wasn’t sure if your country would even be the safest zone. Geographically, it didn’t seem very promising.

“Why not come to mine? Definitely far away, and the weather is nice too.” I tried to convince him. He hadn’t visited my home country even though we’ve been together for almost four years. I knew that he would love it so much. The weather, the food, the people, the warmth. I could picture our happy life together there. We just needed to finish the study, find a proper and secure job, before the war broke out and ruined our plan. 

“Of course, we can. But first, I need to go home and make sure my family is safe.”

“Ok, I’ll go with you.”

“Don’t worry, I will protect you. We’re gonna stick together wherever we are.” You said. Your hazel eyes meet mine. I know you mean what you said at that time. 

“Promise we’re gonna stay together? I’m gonna put a black magic on you if you ever betray me.” You laughed at my threat.

“Promise! But first, let’s get some sleep.” 

I follow your steps to the bedroom. I will follow you around the world. Together, there’s nothing we should be afraid of. 

—

Faint noise from the TV is becoming my background while I’m getting ready for bed. I brushed my teeth. Different bathroom, different settings. 

I’m alone. We are not together. 

A couple of years have passed. The world is getting worse, and I guess the war is here, right before our eyes. Even from where you are staying, it would be so much closer. How did we end up like this? How come we’re not facing it together?

Though we said we were gonna stick together, in fact, we couldn’t win our own war. 

It’s been a year now. I figure out how to do my life without you. I’m doing fine. So you do. I learned the hard way that we can’t always get what we want. No matter how hard we tried to hold on to. No matter how hard I prayed and beg to god. No matter how long I had waited for ‘that moment’ to come. 

In fact, it wasn’t any international war that broke us down. Instead of you and me against the world, we ended up fighting with each other. No one wins the battles. I guess we both lose and are left with big and deep wounds. 

Lately, I saw you everywhere.

I saw you back on track, starting to get on your feet. 

I saw your picture and see you smiling happily. 

I saw you becoming the person you always wanted to be step by step.

I know, you are doing just fine.

I’m glad. You win the battle like a champion. Like always :)

Now and then, every two minutes while brushing my teeth, even without the news as a background, I kept recalling our conversation. 

“If the world is ending, would you come over, right? Would you stay and we spend the night?” Lately, I kept humming the song unconsciously. Did you remember this song?

Do you think the world will end soon?

My last memory of you was waving goodbye at the airport. We tried to stay as long as we could. For the first time, I shed my tears. Probably, I knew, that time, our relationship wouldn’t survive, and that exact moment would be the last moment to cherish between us. 

Schatz, even if the world is ending, I hope our story could be remembered as one of the best memories you had in this life. The innocent story of two teenagers trying to survive this crazy world. Comedy-romance kinda love story we can tell while laughing, when we get older. The kind of exciting, scary, and joyful kind of rollercoaster ride together. It was a good life. It was a good ride. 

Until we realized, we couldn’t keep running on the same track over and over again. So we got off and then understood that our paths were different. Time finally answered all the longed-for prayers and uncertainties, and only when we gained the courage could we see that clearly. 

Schatz, instead of coming over, if the world is truly ending, I hope you could spend the night with someone who loves you. Someone who would appreciate your warm feet under the blanket. Who loves the smell of your body. Who scratches your back and pulls your back acne while laughing. Who could suddenly start a deep two-hour conversation before you close your eyes. Who would mutter “I love you” no matter how sleepy she was. 

If the world is ending, I hope you can hug the person who stays with you. For as long as five minutes, twenty minutes, or a couple of hours would be just fine. Then, waking up together, you are surprised because you didn’t expect to sleep that long. But you had a good rest, and you felt comfortable doing nothing together. 

I hope, when our time is running out in this life, we have done the most important thing come to mind. Staying with people we truly care about in this life. Living our lives to the fullest without being afraid of what people might say about us. 

Then, maybe.. just maybe.. when the world is already at the end, we could leave this world without any regrets. 

03.03.26