On the way back home

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Drizzle out. Wiper on. The sound of the rain drops. I was driving back home. It was cold. Even the least degree of AC still got me shivering. I put my jacket on.


Nostalgia songs on repeat. About love. About heart. About missing someone. About longing for their presence. 


But if I let you go. I will never know. What my life would be. Holding you close you close to me.


About you.

Every song reminds me of you.


Will I ever see. You smiling back at me. How will I know. If I let you go.


This song reminds me of the fear of losing you.


Yet, I lose you.

I let you go.


No more if.

No more wondering.

I know exactly how it feels to lose you.

To feel you disappear little by little in my life.


I let you.

I deleted your number.

I deleted your pictures, our pictures.

I deleted everything.


Except for those memories.

It was still intact.

I cannot let it go.

I don’t want to let it go.

Not yet.


The most beautiful yet the saddest memories.


Rain is pouring. The sounds of the song get weaker. My thoughts are getting louder.


On my way back home. I found the most honest conversation with myself. The tears and sadness were louder than the pouring rain. 


I cried helplessly on the way back home.


I cried painfully in the middle of the traffic.


I cried with honesty because no one could see it.


On the way back home, I realized that the home I longed for no longer exists. So I wonder around once again. Hoping that I could find my way back home, to the one I could hold on to without having to let it go.



16.03.25

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