Marriage Thing

“Don’t you think it’s time to settle down?”

“When will you get married?”

“Where’s the guy, why hasn’t he proposed yet?”

“Let’s donate one sack of rice so you can remove any invisible barriers to finding it.” (PS: I actually did it!)

“Let’s pray together so you will find the one very soon.”

These questions or even a sudden announcement at a family gathering, where people pray for me to get married soon, have become so loud lately. It was probably always like that, though. Only now, when I have the interest to write the story, have I started to recall all of these moments. 

Believe me, folks, it may seem that I never really care about it, but I do. Therefore, I did so many things, any possible things, to make me closer to ‘The One’. The most logical way or related to superstition. Except for installing dating apps because somehow it was scary for me.

All my life, I had only three official relationships and quite a few crushes. My first relationship wasn’t serious at all. It was only a spur a moment, liking someone in the same place that I thought I would like for a long, yet it ended only after three months. 

My two relationships lasted so long, for so many years. The second one lasted for almost five years, and the last one lasted for almost nine years. Wow! If I truly tied the knot in the first (or second) try, I would probably have one or two kids in elementary school. Maybe instead of being asked when I will get married, I would be THAT annoying cousin who teases the younger one about being single when they hit 25 or 30. Damn. The only person who deserves the tease is me, now. LOL. 

The idea of marriage had always been on my mind for so many years. I've been a sucker for romance stories. My favorite TV shows were either Sinetron, Mexican soap operas, Korean dramas, Chinese dramas, or any other possible drama. I watched them since I was in elementary school. No wonder, my mind kept thinking about any possibilities on where and when ‘The One’ would appear in front of me. 

I dreamed about a prince charming coming to save me in this life even if I am stupid, ugly, and no one bears to look at. I hoped that ‘The One’ would look at me in the eye, and find something beautiful within inside. 

However, I am not stupid or ugly, and I don’t need anyone to save me. 

I was not the poor girl in the dramas who needed financial support or someone who, despite her financial struggle, could afford the latest iPhone model and managed to get her skin flawlessly taken care of. I lived my life just fine, thanks. My life was both ordinary and extraordinary, depending on whom I was talking about. Every path I took might not always be the easiest, but I enjoyed every journey I had in life.

Except when we started to talk about marriage things.

*rolling my eyes*

*sigh*

As I grew up, I realized that my goal was no longer about finding ‘The One’ or any prince charming to save me from misery. For now, I only want to have a partner to share my life with. Someone to talk about everything. The person who knows me the most understands my fear and biggest secret. 'The One' who could fix me with his biggest hug during the most difficult time in life. All I need is not a prince charming, but a person with an equal mind. We could share and work towards the same goal; To create a happy and meaningful life together.

If we are lucky, having one, two, or three kids would make our house so merrier. We could create a tribe on our own. Me, you, and our little minions against the world. HAHA. Sounds very romantic, right?

However, along the journey, I kept meeting guys who were not ready for what I wanted. Maybe I met them when they were too young and their jobs had yet to settle. They probably didn't share the same life goals, or things were difficult because we had too many differences. Or maybe he and I were simply not ‘The One’ for each other (if that thing even exists in the first place). 

When we stay with someone who doesn't have the same vision, the most simple things become difficult to achieve. It sometimes made me feel as if what I want too grand or too impossible. It seemed like I was rushing things, but then I realized most of my friend's kids were already in kindergarten or elementary school.

It made me feel as if I obsessed over something so trivial when I could focus on my life goals and future career.

What if my life goal is simply to create a family and take care of them? Does that kind of dream mean so little compared to a career as a businesswoman or manager in a prestigious company?

When I write this one, I wonder if anyone who reads this feels pity towards me. Lol. If you do, please rest assured, I am the least pitiful person on earth.

However, let me say again to myself and any person who might come into my life:

It’s not a wrong thing to want to get married and have a family.

If this is something that I want, then it’s valid and I have the right to make it come true. 

Probably, some extraordinary people find happiness in chasing their passion and career and becoming very successful people.

Some are like me, very ordinary and like-minded. Passion is great, but I want to be surrounded by people to share the joy with.

It is not wrong to want an ordinary life.

It is not wrong to want what other people want.

But staying with someone who- clearly- didn't have the same goal was wrong.

Trying to force things in the way I want it was wrong.

Though sometimes, the timing was also a bitch. 

Lately, I have reflected on myself, maybe I haven’t been given the chance to make my dream come true because I haven’t been quite serious about it. I kept on holding just because I was not ready enough. Maybe I missed the opportunity to make my dream come true while waiting for something or someone that I thought could be 'The One' for me. The only pitiful thing about me was not having the strength enough to say enough.

So, after all these struggles to find ‘The One’, I am not married yet. While younger guys, starting into it. LOL.

The older I get, life is not getting easier. So now, even my view of relationships has changed. I don’t need 'The One', I just need someone who could protect me and make my life easy. Someone responsible and stand tall whenever we face problems to solve. Living our daily life is hard enough, so our partner should be the easiest one. The one that I do not need to think hard to be together. Someone whose love could make me feel as easy as coming home. 

Marriage thing is still a thing for me, but let’s not make it hard, ok? It will come when it’s time.

If not? Then better try my luck on another continent :P

05.03.25